I think I give up :(8

I know I'm not out until af shows, and she's not due until the 19th. I've been having waves of nausea for almost 2 weeks. I've been testing early (i know I shouldn't) and I thought a few times I have gotten a super faint line, but I'm getting so discouraged. My youngest is 7 months old and we aren't "trying" for a third right now (hubby doesn't want any more) but we had an oops around my fertile period. I want to be pregnant again so bad, because I know this would be my only chance to have my 3rd baby. I just want to cry right now.