It is just really hard

I can't take it anymore this will be almost about 4 year that I have tried to have a baby......I feel my heart brake each and every period I have...I love my husband but I really wish I could have a baby...tears fall from my eyes so much that it is hard to have hope to have a baby and I hate myself that I feel that way....I want to bring a baby up in this world to give it everything I didn't have and show it the love I never had...it is hard to want something so much that you can't control at all.....to be honest if it wasn't for my husband having a felony I would have adopt a child by now but even that is not a choice because he does....I feel broken and lost