Am I a horrible mother?

Question

My little guy is just over 4 months, I'm a SAHM and I'm totally spent. I get overwhelmed and frustrated every single day. I have communicated this to my husband and ask him for help  all of the time. He's used to me being super independent and maybe has just become used to that. I find it exhausting having to entertain my little guy all day every day. I'm fine with taking care of him but I constantly feel the need for a break. It makes me feel like a complete failure and I feel like I should be ecstatic that I get to stay home with my son. I just feel like a terrible mother because I want so badly to be able to pass him off to my husband when he gets home and decompress. My husband takes him for about an hour before giving him back to me and in that hour I'm finishing chores that require two hands. This is the hardest job I've ever had. Every moment I fear him to get fussy. It's no way to think or live but I just can't get out of this funk. Is this going to pass? Please say yes.

Answer

Snap. Don't be so hard on yourself. I love my 5month old son to bits and would do anything for him but it's such hard work having someone depend on you entirely for absolutely anything. Entertaining someone who can't really do anything yet, with a 5minute attention span is a lot harder than I expected and I am exhausted. I look forward to other people visiting/hubby coming home so I can have a break (and by a break I mean a shower, the toilet or something to eat). But as he gets older and can do more for himself , sit up, play with toys etc I'm sure it'll be easier and I'll have adjusted to it. I've had all my life it just being me, and only 5months being "mam".

Answer

I was exactly like this. It gets better, seek therapy until then. Find something to do outside the home after hubby gets home. Join mother baby groups. Breathe. <3 you're not alone.

Answer

Yes! It will pass! Eventually you will fall into a routine and so will your baby! It gets so much better when they can entertain themselves and you can pee by yourself with both hands free.( you know exactly what I mean!) I am a mommy who never puts my girl down and admit after 71/2 months I still don't.  However she can completely entertain herself if I need her to by putting her in the walked and such. I will tell you that old time Micky mouse cartoons are what saved me. Look of silly symphony skeleton dance on you tube. I swear by it. My baby stops right away and just watches it. Haha. Anyway. It will get better! Also let your hubby know that you are struggling. You are Prob experiencing some PPD too. Take it easy on yourself! You just had a baby and your whole world flipped upside down!

Answer

You are not a terrible mother. We all need time to ourselves. There are times I take DS to the bathroom with me because no one is around. It's a very demanding job so don't be so hard on yourself.

My LO is almost four months and he finally started watching tv a couple of weeks ago. I get a couple of hours :D This is the time I get work done domestic and career (I work from home.) The time my husband takes him, I get in an hour nap. My DS still wakes up throughout the night. As I'm writing this, I'm wearing DS and wish I there was a bed here (@ the doctors 🙄.)

Try to put your LO in a walker, swing or whatever his favorite piece of furniture is. If he cries for you, get out of his sight and have him focus on the tv. I put paw patrol on for DS and he just loves it! He's getting entertained and its educational. It's a win win IMO. Best of luck to you girl!

Answer

Your not alone, my son is 7 months old  and I still feel this way. It has however gotten easier...my husband also takes him for about an hour so I can catch up with chores. The older they get the more independent they become so I can easily put him in his jumper and he entertained for awhile with that and watching me clean, teething is the hardest time, that comes every month or so now and last a couple days until his tooth breaks through. I sometimes just hand him off to my husband and walk away, I don't even give my husband the option to say no. Today my son had a really bad diaper and I kept telling my husband he was going to stay in his dirty diaper (I would have caved after a few minutes) but my husband took charge. I also make trips to his sisters house and they are so happy to see him and the kids just want to play with him, it gives me about a 2 hour break to sit and have a conversation with an adult for a while. Just hang in there, it gets easier

Answer

Feeling the exact same way! I've been at home for about 4 months now with the baby, but taking care of the baby all the time is so more exhausting and draining than I ever realized. I'm a FTM and there are some days I think I could just leave because I'm so oberwhelmed. I've asked my hubby for more help, but he'll help when the baby isn't fussing -- that's when he volunteers. It's frustrating that the day of a mother is never "off." It finally got to the point that I told my hubby we had to move closer to family because I'm just at wits end. We are moving back to family very soon now, and my mother has agreed to babysit while I work during the day. I don't know if it's bad to say or not, but I realized  not the SAHM type. I can't wait to go back to work and have some adult interactions. Even though I'll be working, I'm looking forward to a break from the baby. I hope the upcoming changes and the increase in help will help get my mind back on track and in the end I can give more back to baby.

Answer

Can you have a family member or get a babysitter 1-2x/wk?   It is amazing how much you can do around the house and relax without kids around b

Answer

I wish my husband allow me not to work and take care of our baby.  I understand it can be a little bit tiring taking care of the baby 24/7. I love what I do and I love my patients, but I will give up anything to take care of my baby. My husband is been pushing me to start working again. He makes me feel that if I don't work on our marriage is over. He tells me he can't stand a woman staying home taking care of the baby in the house. He says that the woman that stays home it's very lazy. He doesn't have any idea what he's talking about. He comes home the house is clean, the food is ready, the babies clean, the laundries done... And he call me lazy? I am so tired of this BS. Taking care of the baby and the house is the hardest job out there. But I would do it anytime. I love to stay home with my bb.

Answer

I was a single mom when I met my husband. I did everything, worked, went to school, took care of my kids and him. Once we moved I only worked 2 weekends a month and then I lost my job. I was very sick during my pregnancy. It was hard to take care of everything. He went to work and came home. Once our son was born he took 30 days off of work and slept until noon and did absolutely nothing to help me. I became resentful but stayed. Then he deployed and he expected me to stay up all night to talk to him (he was in Japan) and still function to take care of the kids. He almost strayed outside of our marriage while he was gone. We went to counseling when he came back. I started to lay out everything I did. The counselor asked him what he did. Allege could say was I go to work and mow the grass. Since he had a third party point out that I am only human trying to take care of 4 other humans I was doing a damn good job. He would get more attention from menial I had more free time and more down time. I am pregnant again and I can honestly say things are so much better. He helps me. He does not except me to do everything while trying not to throw up. He puts effort in. He sees the difference too. I would strongly advise you guys go to counseling. Work it out. Guys really just do not see things the same way. They don't realize whatnot takes to keep multiple humans alive and well! Good luck!

Answer

Have you thought about getting a little part time job? I work 1-2 nights/week as a nurse and I would go BONKERS if I didn't work!! I love my baby with every ounce of my being, but the grown up time where I use my brain for more than "just" doing chores and taking care of the baby is soooo helpful. And you're not a horrible mother!

Am I a horrible mother?

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