I can't do this.
I am 16 weeks pregnant. I am alone. My husband is abroad. I have family; a sister who just had her second child a month ago so she is busy in her own life, a mum who is not very supportive and aunties who have little children and are busy in their own lives too. I have "friends" which I've found out are more bothered about things such as their own birthday's and parties rather than me. I have tried to talk to everyone, I have broke down in front of them (extra emotional since being pregnant) but it seems they don't care. I talk to my husband on the phone everyday but I miss him like crazy. This pregnancy was unplanned so at first I found it quite hard to accept the fact that I was actually pregnant and I blamed my husband because it really was his fault.
I have a UTI, I was prescribed medication from my doctor but I have not been able to afford them. Due to this I am currently in a lot of pain; constantly peeing and burning when peeing, severe cramps on my right side, quite bad back pain, I have not been able to get up from the sofa all day today. I wasn't able to afford folic acid and Vitamin D supplements either which I feel really bad about. What kind of mother am I? I can't even give my child the things it needs in order to be healthy whilst it is in my stomach, what am I going to do when he/she is here?
I have applied for so many jobs but no one wants to employ me when I tell them I am pregnant. The only jobs I am getting offered is care worker jobs and I physically am not well enough to do it and I don't want to put my child at risk. Someone advised me to go to the local job centre and ask them for help, they said I can apply for job seekers allowance where I have to go in every week and show proof of applying for jobs and what I have been doing with my time, etc. I don't need that hassle in my life at the moment.
Every single day feels like a struggle. I don't know how to deal with this. I dont know what to do. I don't know if I can do this. I am so tired from feeling empty, alone, depressed, constantly worrying, feeling ill, being dependant on others . I am so tired of crying.
I am worried about my baby.
I don't think I can do this anymore. I have no one. Nothing.