How POAS (almost) stole Christmas

 

So it's been another cycle where I let myself become completely obsessed, consumed, and controlled by those tiny little strips. Starting at CD 9 when the ovulation testing begins l, until the very last day before I get that awful monthly visit, am peeing in cups and dipping small strips and taking hundreds of pictures of lines that aren't really there and tweaking those pictures to hold on to some sort of twisted hope that maybe, just maybe a line will pop up. 

 

This month I started testing on CD 6. Six. Almost as a little *joke* between myself (ha ha?) because I knew it would be stark white, completely negative. Unfortunately, be it my desperate mind creating things that weren't there at all, or my horrible, terrible eye sight... I thought I saw a line. Maybe I ovulated early. Maybe the ovulation tests were wrong. Tweaking and googling and asking for help. Do you see it too? I swear I see a line. There's no line. There's no REAL line. 

 

That was 8 days ago. EIGHT whole days of my life where I devoted every free moment to tweaking and zooming in and checking Google. Testing in the morning, at night, whenever I could. 

 

Today I realized, while looking through my photo album on my phone, just how sad this truly is. 8 days of tests in every different angle & distance & edited color. Swearing there was the faintest of lines on every single one of them.

 

There wasn't. 

 

 

So this next month, I'm giving myself an early Christmas gift and I will not be purchasing a single damn test until and only if it is necessary. I will not stock up on tests, I will not run to the store in my pajamas to buy overpriced tests. I will let myself LIVE. ENJOY. BREATHE.

 

If you are like me, I really encourage you to do the same. Spend time with friends and family. Pick up a new hobby. Go for walks. Do anything but devote your entire life to faint lines and inverted pictures. It's going to happen for us, when the time is right. So let's try to be nice to ourselves this month and stay away from TWW testing. 

 

Happy holidays everybody. x