When is it abuse?

Question

I personally think that if you use the fact that you are physically stronger against somebody to try to force them to do what you want, that is abuse. 
My best friend left but is now going back to her boyfriend who has, in her words, "ended up in a tussle" with her on more than one occasion. The most recent time she said he held her down when she was trying to leave the house and would not let her go even after she hit him. He did not let go until she said she would break up with him. She stresses that she hit him and he did not hit her, even though they were rolling around on the floor because he would not let her go. I don't really know how I feel. I can't relate because my husband has never raised a finger to me nor I to him. I have never had a relationship like that. I just want to help my friend if I can. Do you see this as abuse? Red flag warning of future abuse? Or not even that serious?

Answer

I smell a toxic relationship. The boyfriend holding down the woman... That is domestic abuse. It also could be considered false imprisonment. Both arrestable offences. Your friend hitting her boyfriend is also abuse. And in fact, her offence is worse because she struck him. We all know how toxic relationships go. You're on a high and in love, then you come crashing down and have a massive argument then you feel like you can't live without the other person, then you get back together and you're in love. The cycle continues and guess who's picking up the pieces each time? Friends. And when they get back together, often they ignore their friends or start to withhold information or the boyfriend starts to criticise the friends. So be careful

Answer

Abuse. It's about power and control. She acted in self defense.

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I say red flag. The fact that he wouldn't let her go when she was trying to leave until she threatened to leave shows that he's crazy and the longer she goes into it the more he will do. RED FLAG she needs to leave him ASAP

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And I'll bet any money that he fed her that line of crap about "she hit him". He fucking restrained her, she had no other strategy to rely on.

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Loveisrespect.org

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Legally, you cannot hold a person or keep a person from leaving a location against their will. She could have Called the police. Seriously. That's a really bad situation.

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Toxic relationship

Answer

I told her that had it been me, I would have called the cops. Even to just get a report filed incase of further incident. She just chuckled and said quote "I know you're going to say I have battered wife syndrome but, I really do need to learn to not push his buttons when he's drunk."

Answer

All I'd have to add about any possibility of rolling around and having it not be abuse is: was she under the influence of anything where he could be trying to keep her there to take away keys?

Otherwise- if not for her safety in that way, it would be abuse

When is it abuse?

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