The husband took me on a short vacation for my birthday this year, and this one night we made love and it is was wonderful. I don't have much of a libido, and I also am very sensitive which he knows, so once was enough for me. I thought we were done for the night, but an hour later, he starts trying to have sex with me again. I didn't want it, I wasn't turned on, I kept trying to get him off of me, but he just ignored me and forced himself on me. After it was done, he said to me: "I hope you wanted it, because if not I just raped you."

So, obviously he knew I didn't want it.

Fast forward to the following month, I put myself in therapy because the memory of that night made me incapable of continuing to be intimate with him, and I couldn't handle the memory on my own anymore. In the meantime, I tried to speak to my husband about the incident, but he claimed to have no recollection until I told him the exact date, time, and what he said to me afterwards. With that information he recalled exactly the incident.

I told him I didn't love him anymore, at which point he became depressed and eventually put himself into individual counseling while asking me to go with him into marriage counseling. And this is where I am having trouble and feeling like I am a horrible person even though I know what I experienced was disrespectful and destroyed my love and trust. 

The marriage counseler thinks this is something he and I can come back from because he seems remorseful and he seems ashamed of his behavior. She also has said that past behavior of his I called out as disrespectful is simply part of our dynamic.

But, I can't come back from this. That night happened mid-August of this year, and I still am upset about it, and uncomfortable around my husband. Also, despite my role in creating a relationship dynamic that led to this whole sorry state of affairs, I don't want to be with someone who even thought forcing himself on me was OK, who didn't want to acknowledge the event until he was confronted with the details, and I don't want to just accept that disrespectful behavior is part of a relationship dynamic.

Am I wrong for feeling violated? Is it wrong for me to have drawn a line in the sand and not want to be with the person who did this, regardless of what a therapist says?