Rough sex?

Question

I have been with my bf for almost four years now. Even though I love the sex that we have now, I want him to be a little rougher with me. He's the slow making love type and even though that's great I want to mix things up. I've talked to him about it and he says he'll try but he never does. How do I make him feel comfortable to be rough with me?

Answer

I had a boyfriend that was EXTREMELY rough. Hair pulling, biting, scratching, spanking, choking, the works. Some real Christian Gray crap. But my next boyfriend was naturally a love-making type. I tried to get him to be rough, but that's just not his personality, he isn't comfortable with it. I was with him for over a year, and that never changed. I did though! I ended up REALLY liking everything he did.

Basically what I'm saying is that we can't sculpt each of our partners into what we exactly want. It's a give and take. They're like that because of their personality. My boyfriend had an incredibly gentle one, so he was gentle in bed. He didn't want to see me "hurt" in any way, shape, or form. Doesn't mean the sex didn't turn out to be the best ever!

Answer

Like Chloe said, to some extent you may have to accept how he is, but for now keep trying to find some kind of compromise. I had the same problem with my SO I just wanted him rougher but he was always so sweet! Try encouraging him while youre having sex. If he's behind you, ask him sweetly over your shoulder 'want to give me some spankings baby?'. If he's on top you can ask him to hold your wrists. If you're on top you can ask him to hold your throat! Keep bringing it up during sex and see how he reacts, I've noticed with my SO that it wasn't that he didn't want to get rough, it's that he was enjoying the sex so much he'd get distracted and forget the extras.

Rough sex?

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