Depression and Anxiety

Hi, my name is Charity and I'm 18 years old. I was diagnosed with depressive disorder when I was 13 or 14. I was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I don't think I have that. I've taken a few different meds for my depression, but I wanted to feel normal so I got off of my medicine and I've been medicine free for a year or two now. I've struggled with depression since the age of 10 when I had thoughts of suicide. I sat in my room and just cried and contemplated wrapping a towel around my neck until I could no longer breathe. The older I get, the more depressive episodes I have. I self harm by cutting to release emotion. I hadn't self harmed in a long time, but last week, I cut because I felt hopeless. And now I really feel like doing it every time I feel sad.