I know this is a quite long but I just really need to let it out and get some opinions and advice.

I met a guy back in September through an old friend. We didn't start really seeing each other until October and we kind of became crazy about each other instantly. I stayed at his place more than my own. We had sex pretty much daily. We'd go out or stay up all night talking. But he told me he didn't want anything serious because he's leaving soon (he goes to college in my hometown but he's originally from Texas, 17 hours away). I agreed but we decided to be exclusive because we didn't want the other sleeping with someone else. (He's also very territorial and hates when I even look at a guy). As time went on, things got very serious despite what he said at the beginning. He went back to Texas for winter break and we texted/called/FaceTimed daily.

About one week into him being gone, he told me he loved me and that he couldnt imagine losing me but that it scared him. I never said I loved him back because I wasn't sure yet. He still said it multiple times. And would try to get me to also. We finally saw each other last week after 5 weeks of being apart. He texted me before his flight, "BABY!! I GET TO SEE YOU TODAY!!! Finally! I've never been so happy!!"

I picked him up from the airport and he ran to my car and picked me up and just hugged me for the longest time before even getting his luggage. We then spent the whole weekend together and it was one of the best weekends I've had. We were at breakfast one morning and there was a little girl being crazy. He said "that'll be your kid one day" and I said absolutely not. He then asked me things about how I'd raise my kids and after that he said "our kids will be awesome. And they better have your eyes not mine cause they're gorgeous" while holding my leg and just staring in my eyes. (I always catch him staring at me even from day one and I'm very shy about it and tell him to stop. He says "I'm just admiring you babe. I can't help it") 2 days later I found out he had been talking to another girl, telling her she's the only girl he talks to and he wants them to work. He swears nothing physical happened between them. I was furious and I left but I care so much about us that I wanted to fix things. He came out to my car and promised me he would show me how much he cares about me and that he only did it because he was scared like he keeps saying and that he was disgusted in himself for hurting me. That it would take time but we can fix things. 2 days later we sat and talked but nothing really came out of it and he told me I should be more mad at him. We agreed to talk again to really figure things out. 5 days later and he still wouldn't meet to talk things over. He said if he saw me in person he would fold and wouldn't be able to say no to me. Finally he freaked out and said "i don't want to fix this! I can't do this. I want to be friends. I can't lead you on anymore. I can't not have you in my life but I can't continue being this serious with you. I don't know what to do. I never lied, my feelings for you are real. Everything I said is real but as soon as I move back to Texas hearts will be broken". He then asked what I want and before I could answer he said "do you want to be friends with benefits? Because that's all that was going to come of us talking". I said "I have too many feelings for you to let you sleep with other people while sleeping with me. So no. F*** you. Let me know when you decide that I'm worth it. Though it'll probably be too late by then". He never answered but called the next day. I asked why he called and he ignored me so later I said "guess not". He replied saying "I didn't mean to and I panicked". Not sure what that means. I never answered. Haven't heard from him since. It's been 4 days which I know isn't long but it's driving me insane. I just can't tell if he's being genuine, that he truly does have feelings but he's just terrified of being hurt or if he's just saying he has feelings so he can leave me without hurting me. If he really had those feelings wouldn't he want to do everything he can to keep me and to fix this? Or do guys actually get scared?

It's just crazy that everything was so perfect and within 2 days it was gone. Part of me wants to do everything I can to get him back while the other part of me feels it's a waste of time and that he'll come back on his own if he truly meant what he said. Should I just leave him alone and let him come to me if he really cares? Or??

Again I'm sorry this is lengthy!! I'm just so confused and feel so crazy for wanting him so bad.

Trying to concieve

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