I don't know how.

To feel all these feelings. I'm a week post dnc n 1.5 weeks since finding out we had a missed miscarriage with twins (10 weeks). I hate crying, I always feel like I'm on the verge but when I do break down I only let it go for a few mins before shutting it all down. Part of this is bc I'm at home with my 3yo and part of it is just my upbringing as the oldest of a nastily divorced family. How has it only been a week, I feel like I've been a disaster for months. I'm better since having the surgery but not by a whole hell of a lot. I can smile and laugh at home but it just hurts to see all these happy people out n about when I feel like I've lost a piece of my soul. I still can't fall asleep without alcohol or ambien (never together and my husbands always home) I tried a fb group for loss but it was just too hard to have all that in my newsfeed. I feel broken and like I have no tools to cope, and I just don't know how to LET myself feel all of this sadness and grief. I don't WANT to. But I'm afraid this hurt will swallow me whole in the future if I don't face it now.