The Milestones Will Come

It’s a well-known fact that babies don’t come out of the womb clutching onto a handy instruction manual. You don’t have to do a course, or pass a test to become a parent. There are no qualifications required to enter parenthood. They let you waddle out of the hospital with your newborn bundle, a glowing sense of pride, and not the slightest idea of what you are doing. Hands up, how many of you stopped the car on the way home from the hospital to check that the baby was still breathing? Me? Twice.

When you get home you begin to realize amidst the cycle of dirty diapers and feeding that your life is never going to be the same again. From now on, you will always put someone else’s needs before your own. And right now, that someone needs everything from you. That feeling is as awesome as it is overwhelming. It’s terrifying and empowering. It’s everything you thought it would be, yet nothing like you expected—it’s parenthood.

Eventually, the outside world infiltrates your newborn bubble, and they come bearing advice, warnings and criticisms. There are a million different ways to do things and someone will always think that the way you chose is wrong. Your beautiful little human is suddenly on a timeline to reach a list of milestones—first smile, first tooth, the ever-elusive sleeping through the night, crawling, walking, talking, peeing in the potty, and standing on their heads reciting Shakespeare.

Heads up new parents: All of these things will happen.

Okay, maybe not the last one, but it’s not really an essential life skill.

But you don’t see many grown-ups wandering around with pacifiers in their mouths (I would like to say you don’t see any, but I happen to know a few details of my husband’s bachelor party that would make that statement a lie.) Five a.m. wake-up calls and 2 a.m. crib parties may be very present in your social calendar right now, but know that this too shall pass. Parents of teenagers will tell you that they spend their mornings yelling at their kids to get out of bed. Plus, I’ve never met anyone whose partner still required their mom to come and tuck them in at night. I mean, it’s a bit of a deal breaker.

More at scarymommy.com.