Want to give up
So I went to 2 doctors appointments today. One was the bahvaorist for my depression, potentially bad postpartum depression and high anxiety. My husband has said he wants me to go on medication for it but I want that to be a last resort and the bahvaorist agrees. Then I went to physical therapy for my back and hips. I found that my pelvis does not pivot like its suppose to when I walk even for being 8 months pregnant. I have very weak hips, lower back and shoulders. My doctor wanted me to go to physical therapy twice a week for 8 weeks, which I can't do because my insurance doesn't cover my company which is 100$. My husband freaked out about that. Even though it's going to help me and the baby I can't do it because of the money. He can't even give me a back rub when I ask for it and now I can't even go get the help I need because I don't work and he is the sole income for us.
The worst part about it all is he didn't even ask me about how my appointments went or what was talked about. I told him I need to see the therapist at least 2 more times just so she can make sure my exercises are working. I've told him several times we need to start walking and he won't walk with me. I need to get a band to wrap around my belly when I walk to support me better and I'm afraid to ask him for the money because I'm afraid he will say I can't have it because of the money.
I just feel like I'm such a burden to him. He doesn't take anything I say seriously. I've had to talk to him about a couple of people in his family making me feel uncomfortable and all he did was defend them. So I have to take being touched when I don't want to be and I have to deal with being made to feel like I'm going to be a horrible mother to my daughter because nothing I say is ever good enough. He doesn't hardly talk to me anymore. He is never intimate and if he is it's basically just grabbing me and acting like a teenager. There is no romance anymore.
I hate to feel this way and I don't regret my daughter at all but I almost do regret getting pregnant because I don't want her to grow up this way, with her parents eventually ending up hating each other. I love him but at the same time I'm starting to hate him. I just feel like there is nothing left.
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