Nobody to talk to, just need to vent 😞

I'm due any day now with a lovely rainbow baby girl. We lost our first child December 2014. My membranes ruptured and I went into spontaneous labor at 20 weeks. She was born alive and lived for 4 1/2 hours. It was a very traumatic experience for everyone. Nobody in either family had ever dealt with something like that before. She wasn't planned, more of an "accident" I guess you could say. But a happy accident. I wanted to actually start trying again a few months later, I thought it would help with the healing process, having another child. I was right. And wrong. I found out I was pregnant July 25th, 2015. I wasn't expecting a positive test, I was literally about to give up, thinking I'll never get pregnant again. I became so much happier over the months, with a few breakdowns every now and then, especially when December came around. The year anniversary of my daughters birth and death. Fast forward to now, anxiously waiting the arrival of our second baby, I can't help but feel so guilty. Guilty for wanting another baby after losing our first. Guilty for having another. For being happy about having a baby. For having and buying all this baby girl stuff that I never got to have for our first daughter. I'm scared. Scared that I will fall into a huge depression after this baby is born. Scared that I won't love her because I will feel so guilty about having her and not my first daughter here. Scared that I will lose this baby too. I'm beyond excited and anxious for her to get here, but as the days go by I just can't help but feel more and more afraid. Of everything.