Am I doing the Right Thing?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, we have a huge house together, two cats and a turtle. I am super happy and love him so much, but I want children. He's not ready for that....

I told him this past week that u want to stop having sex until we are married or ready to have children. He doesn't seem to understand, but I get these horrible feelings of anxiety when we have sex because I feel used or get so afraid that I will end up pregnant and he will leave me.

To top it off, my period is so irregular that I had two periods last month and haven't had one in over a month so I'm already feeling scared, but he just seems to get angry when I bring it up....

Am I being unreasonable or irrational?

Answer

Well it's totally in your right to want to stop having sex until marriage or children, I can definetly see why it makes him upset bc if I were in his shoes I would feel like I was being punished for not feeling ready for children. I'm going to assume that you not having sex bc you want to wait wasn't talked about or wasn't what you wanted when you got together so I can see how the sudden change of that is upsetting. I mean don't let that stop you from not having sex if you don't want to but that's how I would feel in that situation so maybe you can just sit him down and really explain how you're feeling and tell him it's not a punishment, it's just a personal choice of yours.

Answer

By saying no sex you are changing your relationship and that's not fair without both parties agreeing (or no party in the event of an accident). In my mind this ice no different than going off bc without telling him.

However you as a couple need to figure out your timelines and if you can work together. If you want kids yesterday and he wants to wait 5 years you likely won't be able to make a middle ground where your both happy....likely neither will be happy.

However if anyone cut me off like that I would walk so I would bet your man is already on the verge

Answer

I think making ultimatums like that are the fastest way to end a relationship, or start a really unhealthy marriage... And do you want to raise a cod with someone who didn't want that child to begin with?

If this was something you told him at the beginning of your relationship it would be fine, but doing it this far in seems really unfair to him, as it's not the relationship he agreed to.

Answer

Am I the only one wondering how this picture goes with the story?

Answer

Honestly I feel like you're better off going your separate ways. You two obviously want very different things and if he can't take "no", regardless of why you don't want to have sex, that is a major red flag and it's not a situation you need to be in. If he respected you he would be more understanding. Not saying he should want kids just because you do, but he should understand that you're not just a sex machine and that being in a relationship does not mean you get sex whenever you want it. But that's just my opinion... 💁🏽

Answer

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

Answer

Can you get on birth control or use condoms? If you guys don't want to do that then have a serious talk, of he don't wanna take precautions then he needs to understand he can't get mad at you for not wanting sex because ultimately the end result ( a child) would all be put on you and he just walk away because he said he didn't want kids

Answer

You have every right to deny sex. You are putting him in an odd spot. I think children should've been discussed before the relationship became serious. You can't make him ready for kids nor should you punish him for not being ready.

You can either wait or leave the relationship.

Am I doing the Right Thing?

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