Feeling disconnected

As I have said before, I am currently pregnant for the 5th time,very early still. With the first four I felt connected to my babies and felt pregnant. I ve seen the tests, I've talked to my docs, I have once again changed my lifestyle to suit pregnancy but I still do not feel as though I'm pregnant. I have symptoms but it's like there's a brain body disconnect and I feel guilty. Even if it doesn't work out I ll regret not being emotionally connected but it seems I can't make myself accept this. I walked through the baby aisle today and held little socks, I even felt tears running down my fave but something was still numb in my mind. I don't understand why I cannot embrace this pregnancy and be optimistic this time. it's hard for my husband bc he feels that I need to be more in tune but I feel like I'm just existing through it.