One year ago this Mother's Day

Last year I found out I was pregnant, it was never supposed to happen, it should have been impossible. I built my life around the idea that it would never happen for me and I learned to accept that and embrace my life with my DH.

Then there I was sitting in an Urgent Care finding out I was only 6 months away from being a mom. And also, just like that, my marvelous baby passed away May 8th 2015.

Two days later was mother's day and it ruined me... it ruined everything I had become and everything I thought I knew about my future.

This year my baby's passing isn't just near Mother's Day, it's ON Mother's Day. An entire year has gone by and not one day has passed that I haven't thought about this day.

365 days of crying and regrets and trying and failing. Putting myself through the disappointment and pain every month I swore I wouldn't put myself through. 365 days of collecting clothes and blankets and toys and books and wishing you were here. 365 days of heartbreak. It will be a year this Mother's Day, and no one knows but your Dad, how much I still miss you and everything we will never have...