Would you be frustrated?

Question

My SO and I have been together nearly 7 years and he has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 9. Anyway he has her every other weekend but tends to take her random days to help her mom out...but the thing is he never talks to me about it first. He works second shift so I'm the one who picks her up from school and feeds her etc. The communication sucks, a lot of the time I'm left calling or texting his ex to figure out times and such and it's starting to piss me off (pregnant and irritable) So this morning he tells his ex he'll take her overnight...where is my say in any of this? Yes I don't have any plans but assuming I don't without asking is inconsiderate. It would be different if he were home...but he voulenteers me to watch her every time. Whenever I bring it up to him he throws a big fit about how I don't want her around...that's not the case but sometimes I do need a break from her, she can be a lot to handle some days.

Answer

It's going to get hard when you start crying for an infant and might have things planned. Ask him to start transitionin now by talking to ex about including you in requests dince he's usually working and you'll be responsible for picking up, dinner, etc. That uou want to collaborate since you're all in this together

Answer

For me, if he's taking on extra parenting time to help her out...there should be a little more consideration for you.. it's great they cooperate and can be open that way, but you have some needs to be addressed too so there's a balance. I'm afraid I would end up feeling resentful if it was all about helping his ex out... being hormonal and tired, etc..

Answer

I would have no problem taking my SO's child any time especially if we had a child home anyway fairly close in age. I think this is part of the package if your partner has a child from a previous relationship.

Answer

I think if he's not there to do the looking after on these extra days then he should definitely be asking you. Maybe suggest a 3 way group message like via whatsapp so you can be included in all the conversations and that would show move willingness to be a big part of your stepdaughters life but also so you can gain a little more control. Also you could always have things planned so that if he does volunteer you without asking, you're busy. Only once or twice though more to prove a point x

Answer

Yeah he needs to understand that in order for it to work communication is SO HUGE.

Maybe when you approach it next time, try to do so where it doesn't seem like you're 'attacking' him. A lot of the time when I'm trying to communicate with my guy I have to remind him of several things:

1. Perhaps what he's doing isn't inherently wrong necessarily, it just doesn't work for you and you're just trying to tell him your needs.

2. You are both on the same side here. Disagreements shouldn't polarize the relationship. You both want things to work, so an issue should be tackled by both of you, together, trying to figure out how to solve it.

3. Communication is imperative. HE might not need it, but you're essentially giving him the tools to succeed in you two's relationship and that's invaluable. :)

Stroke his ego a bit. I'm not saying it's fair that you have to go through all of this trouble, I just know that it helps a lot in my own experience. Also try compliment sandwiches.

Answer

Oh the joys of being a stepmom! After 4 years I STILL get frustrated. I love my bonus kids, but they live with us so I do everything their mother should have done in years past, plus deal with their teachers and laundry and attitudes. It's HARD. My husband and I have had MANY arguments over who is responsible for what when it comes to the kids. If it's a dead end conversation, try writing a letter explaining your feelings to your husband. Good luck, being a stepmom is one of the hardest roles I've ever played, but is so rewarding in the end ❤ This year, the kids made presents for ME at school for Mothers day 😀❤ Their bio mom has gone from meth addict to cancer survivor but never ever keeps her word to the kids (i promise I will see you tomorrow) She burned all her bridges in our area and now lives over an hour away and has no transportation and rare visitation. Hang in there and try to set up some kind of communication "rules" or guidelines with your husband when it comes to your responsibilities with your step daughter. It's perfectly legit to want those things defined and discussed!

Answer

I understand where you are coming from. I know caring for a child from a previous marriage can be hard. But in most cases, it's what happens when you marry someone who already has children. I know it sucks being pregnant and getting stuck with her, but she is your step daughter and you should try to think of her as your own child and not a babysitting job. That might make things easier. Of course your husband is going to get defensive when you don't feel like caring for his child. Just try not to make a difference between his child and the one you have together. I'm not trying to be mean, just helpful.

Would you be frustrated?

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