I'm a mother to an angel in heaven 👼🏾
On Thursday, May 12 at around 6:30a I woke up for work after I restless night of stomach pain (what I thought was from constipation and fibroids). I sat on the toilet for my normal bowel movement, checked Glow-Nuture. "You are 18 weeks exactly" the app informed me. Overjoyed, I cleaned up and went to the sink to wash my hands. Then my lovely morning sickness kicked in. As I leaned over to vomit, I heard a "pop" (kind of like a water balloon) and a gush of water rushed down my legs. I immediately began to cry and thought I'm losing my baby. I walked into my bedroom where the father of my child was just waking up. I cried out "my water broke!!" He jumped out of bed and came to me, holding me tight. "Call your mom" he whispered. As I went back into the bathroom as my phone was on the sink vanity I failed my mother's number. No answer. I knew she was up probably in the shower preparing for her work day. I call her home phone. No answer. Then she calls me. "Hello? Mom my water just broke." Another gush runs down my legs. "It's still coming out and now I'm bleeding." She replied, "aww I'm so sorry sweetie. Try to remain calm, call the doctor on call, and go to the hospital". My mother lives 4hours away.
My child's father (boyfriend) was talking to his mom as well. She suggested calling the ambulance so I could get right in. We get dressed quickly and went downstairs to the car. I waited for the ambulance to pick me up and prayed for my baby to be ok. I replayed everything in my head, trying to recall something I did wrong or any signs of miscarriage. Could a bowel movement send me into labor? No. Should I have gone to work yesterday? Yes, I sit at a desk all day at a stress free job. Was it stress? The questions went on and on. Then the abulance arrived. The EMS team strapped me down and put me in the truck. Then the blood clots came. Uncontrollable bleeding took over, clot after clot. I bled through the pad I had on. The team in the truck with me were clueless on what to do. It was a volunteer squad and they were probably retired. "Please help me, God." I prayed silently. "Crap" the driver said. "What?" questioned the EMS tech. "I took the wrong exit" the driver said. I prayed again and closed my eyes trying to be strong. We finally arrived at the Emergency Room. I was wheeled in but my situation was only an emergency to my child's father and I. I looked over to him and he had fear and worrying on his face. I just wanted to be in his arms, in our bed, holding our baby that we already loved so much but I knew that couldn't happen. As we wait in the er room the nurse works with no sense of urgency. I'm bleeding like crazy. "Can I have something for my bleeding?" I asked the nurse. She nonchalantly turns around and says "oh... Yeah... Here". She hands me a diaper. My boyfriend helps me into the garment as blood falls to floor. Tears roll down my face. I get back on the bed and my mother n law and sister n law come in. More time goes by without any answers. Then finally the PA comes in and tells me he's going to do a pelvic exam then an ultrasound. About 10 minutes after he left the ultrasound tech came in to take me for a sonogram. When we arrive in the ultrasound room I asked the tech if she could tell me the sex of the baby. (I was scheduled for a routine checkup the following Tuesday and would hopefully find out then but since I was there why not?) She said "yes" and continued with the ultrasound. Once the baby popped on that ultrasound screen I knew it was over. There was no life like my previous ultrasound. As she moved the wand around my pelvis I hope it was the fibroid the popped and not my water. "The baby's butt is tucked under and I can't see what the baby is hunny, I'm sorry." I just sighed and let her work. I replayed everything in my head over and over. Then the tech told me she wanted to do a transvaginal ultrasound as well. I had to empty my bladder. When I sat on the toilet clots of blood pouring out and I was so weak. The tech and 3 nurses helped me back on the bed and she proceeded to do the vaginal ultrasound. I then was told that I had 3 large fibroids that were larger then I originally was told. I knew then my baby couldn't grow anymore and that's what caused this. I became angry with ALL of my doctors. Why didn't they tell me? Why didn't they recommend surgery? How long have they know? The tech wheeled me back in my er room where my boyfriend, mother n law and sister n law were. Tears rolled down my face as I told them what I saw. Soon after the PA came in the room and informed us I was miscarrying. What a break down that room had. I thought about my cousin, Lacole, at that time. Idk why but I did. Then the ER Doctor told us again about the miscarriage and explained I would have to deliver the baby which terrified me. I thought I would have another 20 or so weeks to mentally prepared for delivery.
In the delivery, I see what everyone was saying about how nice the rooms were. Unfortunately, I couldn't enjoy it because of the situation. I called my mom and let her know I had to deliver. She and my brother were on their way to va beach. Meanwhile more of my boyfriend's family came in and it made me sad. This was suppose to be a happy time but it was so painful. The nurse came in and explained the process I was going to go through. She offered me some medication that would help me sleep and I jumped on it. I haven't slept all night and by this time it was about 10a. As the nurse prepared my medication the doctor explained my options for labor. I decided to speed up the process since I was loosing so much blood. The doctor checked my cervix and I was 3 cm dilated. Originally we all thought o had to get to 10 but was told I didn't have to fully dilate to deliver. The doctor inserted the inducing medication into my vagina and the nurse distributed my pain/sleeping meds. The contractions started but we're very light. I remember dozing off but I couldn't sleep because so many people were in the room. I love my extended family but I needed peace and solitude. Finally, the doctor shifts switched and I had another doctor. She made me feel comfortable. She was compassionate and sympathetic. She inserted another inducing pill inside of me and snout 30 mins later my mom and brother came in. Then my contractions hit harder. The doctor recommended me having a epidural. Originally, I didn't want one because I wanted to do things naturally with a healthy baby but since my baby has no chance of survival, I decided to have the epidural. As I bent over the table, trying to stay still so the doctor could inject me I got so emotional. My mother was comforting me but I couldn't help but to want to wake up from this nightmare. My life was no longer as I knew it.
About 30 mins of resting with only my mother and boyfriend in the room, I felt a release come out of me. "Oh God, this is it." I thought to myself. I called the nurse and told her I felt something come out of me. I wasn't sure if it was just another blood clot or my baby. She looked under the blankets and felt the inside of me. " going to get the doctor because the baby is coming". The doctor comes in, checks me, and tells me it's time to deliver. My mother stands back and my boyfriend and the other nurse gold my legs. "Push", the doctor told me. I took a deep breath and pushed. I hadn't had any birthing classes at all since I was only 18 weeks. "One more big push". I pushed again and my boyfriend starts crying. He puts his head down and I felt my angel come out of me. I cried out with emotions. "There is no heartbeat". The doctor told us. Now I was nervous, nervous of what my angel was going to look like. "Your baby is perfect". The doctor tells me. The nurse wraps my angel up in a small blanket as the doctor checks my placenta. "The placenta is healthy". I had a healthy baby. So why did this happen? As the nurse hands me my child I didn't know what to do. I looked down at my angel and felt sad. Sad that I didn't get to finish crating my masterpiece. Sad because my angel didn't get a chance at life. Sad because this child was made out of love but so any get to experience the love we had to offer. But then I looked at my baby and accepted this was MY angel. Perfect in every way. I hand the baby to my boyfriend and Angel's father. He was so emotional. I immediately felt like I fail him as a woman. As the mother of his child. I knew they were just raw emotions and I pushed them aside. Other family members come on and of course it was another emotional rollercoaster.
After everything had settle and everyone was gone the doctor told me there was absolutely nothing wrong with my angel. Fibroids were the cause of this. Fibroids that my OB-GYN told me not to worry about. The same fibroids I question my doctor about throughout my entire pregnancy. The same fibroids that caused me discomfort. "Why didn't my doctor so what she said she would do?" I asked my boyfriend. "We were suppose to have an ultrasound even appointment to check on the fibroids but she blew us off. Now we are empty". We got upset again but then came to the conclusion, blaming the doctor wouldn't bring our angel back. We spent a lot of time with our angel that night. We still don't know if it was a boy or girl. (Not until my appointment on Friday from the lab) but our angel, born on May 12 @ 6:03pm changed our lives forever.
Comment
Add Comment
Let’s Glow
Glow is here for you on your path to pregnancy
Glow helps you navigate your fertility journey with smart tools, personalized insights, and guidance from medical experts who understand what matters most.
25+ million
Users
4.8 stars
200k+ app ratings
20+
Medical advisors
