Clinging to Rainbow baby

Kai is my fourth child but my fifth pregnancy. I'm not sure if the reason I never want to be away from him is because he's breastfed(the only one exclusively breastfed) or because he's my rainbow baby and I now know what it is to lose something so precious. I don't want to go back to work, I'm nervous about starting school soon, and I hated my first day back in the reserves. Although it's tiring I'm content to spend my days snuggled up with him.