I had a miscarriage the day before Thanksgiving last year. My fiance's cousin had just had a baby 2 weeks before, and we were around them almost daily, which yes after the MC it was hard, but their family and I love babies. His neice had a baby about 2 weeks later, and everybody understood at the hospital when they say me tear up as I held him, it was hard.

My fiance had a hard time about it without me knowing, and I still have hard days sometimes when I think about how big i would be, and how I could be seeing the babies heartbeat on the US, we didn't want to know the gender, but we were both so happy and were ready to have our family grow.

What makes me so upset right now, the cousin that had her girl right before I MC is now 6 months pregnant, which means she conceived right after my MC. Her and her hub are constantly at each other's throats, they live from couch to couch because they both refuse to get a job. I know God has a plan and it wasn't my time, but still makes me wonder how people like them can have these pregnancies, and they can't afford to even feed themselves let alone soon to be 3 kids. How is it God can pick and choose like this, the ones of us who are doing what we need to, to live right.

Another one, my friends sister had an iud that she ripped out herself, and was told she could never have a child again, and eventually got addicted to hard drugs, she had a one night stand with a guy who was out of jail for a furlough, she's now 4 months pregnant. She doesn't have custody of her 3 yo son because of the drugs and bad life choices.

I just don't get it. Iv seen more and more people have to turn to <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">ivf</a> even tho there's nothing technical wrong, they have just tried so long, and <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">ivf</a> is their last hope.

I want so bad for a rainbow baby, were not trying per say, but it doesn't mean I don't want it.

Rant over, felt good to get off my chest while I'm waiting here with the baby I nanny asleep in my lap and tears down my face. But at least it wasn't to my fiance who doesn't quite understand why I'm still upset. 😞😞😞😞😞