is it okay to not have sex with my husband?

Question

so its been a super long time (probably almost a year) that my husband and I haven't had sex. and im 100% ok with it. personally, sex has caused a lot of problems and complications for me and tbh im kinda traumatized by the whole "act". and it also doesnt feel that great for me, as everybody always says it does. probably bc he isnt very good at it, or theres just something wrong with me. idk. but my husband obviously doesnt like not having sex, and often becomes upset and mad at me about it. i mean i can understand why, but i still feel like i should have a choice, being married or not. i just simply dont want anything stuck up there. i always feel weird and out of place and upset when i have sex, so why do it? i know its a "healthy thing" to do in a marriage or else itll "fall apart" but i also believe i have a choice since its my body right?

Accepted Answer

Honestly, it's not fair to either of you. Maybe go see a counselor together or a sex therapist. There's something wrong, I mean yes, some people are asexual and don't want sex but it's not unreasonable that you're husband is upset. He married you to be with you in everyday, that includes sexually. For the sake of your marriage, talk to a dr.

Answer

Were you a virgin before you got married? This situation is very weird. I feel like you guys should have been on the same page when you got married. If you were a virgin, this is a perfect example of why waiting until marriage can be a bad idea. If you weren't a virgin and just recently decided that you don't want sex, it's your body and of course you have a right to say no.

Do not be alarmed if your husband asks for a divorce sooner than later.  Sex can be a very important part of a marriage and if you are not on the same page, this will more than likely fall apart sooner rather than later.

Answer

You should probably seek counseling together and individually. If you are traumatized by sex, that is something worth sorting out.

There are also alternatives to penis-in-vagina sex if that is what you are uncomfortable with. But it sounds like you aren't being sexual together at all. You can digitally/manually and/or orally stimulate one another. There's also mutual masturbation.

If you are unwilling to be sexual with him at all, then something else will have to change. It is not fair for him to be denied sex completely since a sexless marriage wasn't part of the deal when you all got married. You could allow him to get his needs met outside your relationship, if you two can discuss terms by which you are both comfortable.

If none of these suggestions work, or you aren't willing to do them, then you are not sexually compatible and your marriage should probably end for the sake of both of your happiness.

Best of luck.

Answer

I don't want to sound mean, harsh, or uncanny, but this was my issue with my EX husband. He never wanted to have sex with me and it made me feel like crap. I tried everything to light up a spark but nothing would work. We talked about it all the time and still got nowhere. Once we got married we were trying for a baby but that didn't end so well. Intimacy is key in a relationship. I get its more then just sex, but it is very Important in ones relationship. I would try therapy or speaking it over with your husband. He might start "eating" somewhere else. Trust me. I did😔 that's how I knew my marriage was over. My ex husband didn't work with me while I went through fertity treatments and he treated me worse and worse. And I Checked out. I hope you guys can work it out. Good luck.

Answer

I'd suggest seeing a sex therapist for you both to see.
Read up about it and share it with your husband so you can work together and not have it be so uncomfortable for you.

Answer

Do what you are comfortable with. Sex is supposed to be a part of a relationship but if you don't like it then don't do it. It's your body and you get to make the decision of what yoy want to do with it.

Answer

You never have to do something you're not comfortable with and if he can't accept that then he doesn't deserve you. Ignore what everyone else thinks, do what's best for you

Answer

Sex is part of marriage. Unless the two of you have a spoken agreement that you won't have sex. How you're feeling shouldn't be pushed aside, but you should also consider how your husband is feeling. You guys need to talk it through, and if necessary see a therapist. I know when I got married, sex felt more like a chore because it didn't feel very good at first. Also, I felt that there was a lot of pressure on me to please my husband. But we talked about it, and he reassured me that it wasn't like that. That intimacy helps build a strong relationship.

Answer

Only do what you're comfortable with

Answer

In my opinion, I think you guys should see a therapist. Compromise is a huge thing in marriage, along with communication. No, you shouldn't have sex if you don't want to. That's your body, your choice. But it also isn't fair to him. I dont blame him for complaining.. I would too. He expected sex when he married you. I think seeing someone can really help you guys. 
I wish you guys the best of luck....

is it okay to not have sex with my husband?

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