Don't know how to feel

So I'm dealing with this guy he's a really great and sweet dude and we are friends have been friends now for about three years he tells me repeatedly that he isn't ready for a relationship right now not only to focus on his career path but mainly because of past experience he has been through. He is scared which is understandable but see we aren't just friends not in my eyes we speak about a life together and kids and yet when I start acting with relationship type emotions he reminds me we are just friends and aren't together. But he hates when I talk to my guy friends talk to anyone period he hates it and we argue and then I say the same thing to him we aren't together and he argues with me. We have had sex multiple times and also had an abortion all because I felt I didn't want to add more stress on to his life but now I regret it and starting to hate myself for it. And we still aren't together what should I do.