Today has been nothing but negativity with me. I've been a positive person ever since i broke up with my ex (he abused me). But today... Ive been a negative nancy.

1) my boyfriend and i were having sex and i felt like i was going to squirt so he suggested i try in the shower. I didn't want to but i went along cause I'm willing to try things. But it was nerve racking and got uncomfortable and when i told him i was to shy to, i got depressed and negative and i sat in the turned off shower cold with water on me while he went off to do other things. I then showered on my own. Then i was going to leave without saying a word.

2) since i was going to leave without saying anything cause i didn't know what to say since i caused it by not telling i wasn't comfortable, i went to my car and sat in it and when i went back to his house he was crying. Because of me. Then i started to cry. Then he out of the blue, threw away everything of his ex's. Which destroyed me inside because those are memories. They carried awful thoughts and other bad memories with them but still, they had good ones in it too(since he kept one thing). It destroyed me cause i still have everything my ex (the one that abused me) in my money box, i spent a year with my ex and i have no plan on throwing them out since they carry good and bad memories... (I love memories, they make me smile)

3) we made up and watched tv and ate and as soon as it got to about 10:30pm, i was leaving and i broke his necklace on accident.. The necklace that i bought him. We then had an argument about all of what happened today cause i messed up his necklace more by trying to fix it.

4) that argument now lead us to not talk and i was sitting outside for about 20 minutes with him away from me. Thats when i wrote this. Which he questioned.

We barely have arguments and when we do we both don't handle them well, him especially.

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