Postpartum Depression

Its been 16 days since i gave birth to my amazing lil man. I was warned, I was made aware. I've talked to my doctor about it and it's here it's getting worse. I've struggled with depression for years so while I was pregnant my doctor informed me that I was at high risk for postpartum. I didn't really think much of it. I stopped taking my meds about 6 months ago...for no reason really, just stopped. And I didn't tell anyone until recently.

breastfeeding has been a huge struggle. I cry every time. Everytime my son cries or fusses I just want someone else to take him. I am so overwhelmed, exhausted, drained. I feel like I almost don't wanna do it anymore. But I also feel idk where I'd be without him. On July 2nd I celebrated one year clean (from drugs and alcohol). To me, my son is truly a blessing. I think I would have gone back out to shooting up dope if I never got pregnant.

When I found out I was pregnant me and my sons dad had just broken up and when I made it clear I wasn't going to get an abortion he didn't talk to me for a month. Eventually he came around and we got back to get for a few months but he soon left me again cause he just "didn't have feeling for me"...and started dating someone else two weeks later. Today we get along, we have a great friendship/relationship as parents for our son. But I'm nowhere near over him which makes everything a lot more hard. And he thinks that I am totally okay and content with him seeing someone else..he's even comfortable enough to talk to me about him and his gf and her two boys and what they do and when they are gonna hang out. I feel so left out of a "family" with him and that he's just found it with someone else. He also has a daughter who is 8. And he's an amazing guy and a wonderful daddy to both of his kids.

I live with my mom and my sister but since it's the summer they have been gone almost all the time at my mom's bf's lake home, so I am stuck home alone caring for my two week old son. His dad comes over about every other day but only for a bit to see him. I know he'll always be around for his son but as far as caring for him 24/7 I'm completely on my own.

I have an abundance of support and love from family and friends but yet I still feel so alone. I feel overwhelmed and like I just wanna give up. I know I need to go see my psychiatrist asap and probably get back on some medication but I so often think that I'll feel the way I do forever. I feel like a shitty mother.