Give up

I give up trying to conceive.

For the past few months its like nothing I do is good enough for my fiancé. I've tried dressing up, romantic meals etc and every time I get my hopes up thinking we're going to have sex he'll either start watching YouTube or a series, usually ncis, then fall asleep.

Take tonight for example, our kids are with my mum as she's taking them to the zoo tomorrow so we had a kid free night. I made him his favorite meal, did my makeup and got dressed up. He's been in the bedroom watching YouTube all day so when dinner was ready I went through to tell him...... And he's asleep.

Tried waking him up and got called an inconsiderate cunt. So now both dinners are in the bin, I've had a shower, in my pajamas and generally just look a mess as always.

Last cycle, we only had sex 4 times. I reach my fertile window on Thursday and we haven't done anything this cycle. Its not just me who wants another baby, he keeps buying pregnancy tests every month and gets upset when my period comes. Yet he won't fuck me!!!! Its like I'm too disgusting to touch let alone screw.