Traumatized after giving birth

Pang 🦋 • Ch 21 || XAVT 💚
My son was born on July 11th 2016 at 40wks3days. I was induced with pitocin because doctors said he was to small and were concerned about him growing. Well on Monday morning I came in at 6:30 and pitocin started around 7:30. Around 4 I was 10 cm dilated and was given the okay to push. They had a mirror above me on the ceiling for me to see myself giving birth. Everything was good right now. His head finally came out and then all of a sudden I felt and saw my doctor shove his huge hand inside of me and started tugging on my baby because his shoulder was stuck. Finally my baby boy was out but they had to rush him away since he wasn't crying and since i was positive for group b strep. I really wanted skin to skin but I couldn't and that made me sad. Well the room is filled with doctors trying to assist me and baby because my uterus wasn't contracting and I was losing lots of blood. So at once, one doctor was trying to sew me up and 2 other nurses were pushing very hard on my stomach. They numbed me down there because I had 3 different lacerations but it wore off and I felt everything. All I could do there was look up and see blood pouring out of me and feel all the pain of them sewing me up. I was crying so much. At this point they needed to put me on oxygen because I couldn't breathe. Finally after 45 mins they were done. I'm now 3 weeks pp and I'm so scared still. I'm scared of the thought of having another baby. I'm scared to look at myself down there. I'm scared to even feel down there when I'm showering. I'm scared of the thought of having sex again. I feel so traumatized. I just hope in time this feeling goes away. I know this topic may seem silly but it's real. This happens. I'm tired of the panic attacts when I think about it all. I'm glad my baby boy is here but all I can do is think about how afraid I feel.