Pardon my Emotional rant.

Been ttc forever it seems like, im expecting af tomorrow but just couldnt resist stopping to get a test on my way home. BFN! 😡 which probably means im gonna get my stupid period tomorrow. Im gonna test in the morning with fmu but still. Itsso damn   discouraging!  All my sinlings have kids. Even my younger ones. My oldest brother has 5! Why is it so easy for them!? Why? 😔 they never even planned for any of their kids they were all "pleasant surprises". Why cant I!? Ive been married for five years and my husband and I decided when we got married to hold off on kids until we both had reliable vehicles our own house and steady income because we were just starting out and wanted to make sure we could give our child the life it deserves. And now the times come and I feel like its never gonna happen. And its not fair. 😢 This is all I ever wanted. My whole life I couldnt wait to be a mom. And its just not happening.