Why Can't I Stop Wanting to Cry?
The beginning of this week was stressful. I was going back to college and was trying out for a play the first day back. I cried a couple of the days beforehand, mostly at night and mostly around my boyfriend. The next day, auditions. They're a two-part process and I sobbed out in my car with my bf next to me when I realized I wasn't getting the part the director wanted me to have at the beginning of the summer.
I still had a call-back, though, so I went the next day feeling great during the day. Went back for call-backs, and didn't get a part. Not even ensemble. Left as quickly as possible, very upset and drove home with bf in tow. Sobbed an unbelievable amount, saying I was never going to be given a chance and upset that I got my hopes up when I tried not to. Boyfriend calmed me down, as he's good at that.
Next day, I feel the pang in my chest that feels like I could cry if I gave it the chance. Bf had to go to the read-through that night (has a large part) and so I was left alone. He calls me and says the director wants me to be a townsmen. I said yes and rushed down there, choking back the tears of joy. I got something and that's all I wanted. Realized I don't make friends very well and start feeling very alone, even with my bf there. He says I'll be able to make them, I just have to try. But I know I'm probably going to be sitting on my own a lot and following him around when appropriate.
But anyway... and the next day (today) same pang in my chest that feels like I could cry. I just don't understand. I've never been this emotional in all of my life. What's the matter with me?
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