I just i want to know im not the only one who feels hurt maybe we can share our storys and upleft each other. My story- June i found out my husband was watching porn for 6 months (2 weeks after getting married) I asked him many times if he was watching it and he said no. Then he would say why are you always accussing me of something or trying to cause troubl goinf back on me like im the bad person. I found out by logginf into his accounts trying to have his new phone set up before he left for work again. (3 weeks gone 3 weeks back, river boat) One night i just curious and logged in his google and there it was porn it was very light and not wven enough to bother me the first months we were married but when he started his job in June there was a shit ton of it all over it. I called him to talk to him Well i told him i was hurt and felt like i wasnt good enough anymore i just wanted him to listen how i felt but all he said was i promise ill never do it again or lie to you and im sorry. So i dropped it for awhile then brought it back up and he got very angry. So i told him id forget about it and pretend it never happened but the next time hed half to work on my trust and getting it back. Well he comes back home we have to get him a new phone bc the othwr was a temp and tonight i noticed he downloaded a new app so of course im going to check it out and there was porn so much fucking porn in it. I called had him promise he wouldnt lie to me and asked him how much. He said i promise he loved me alot baby and i told him a lot didnt count he said okay 12 hug plants lined up side by side thats how great my love is for you.i said you promise you wint lie he said dear i promise i asked him if hes been looking at anything he should and been watching porn (yes i did over react) he said no i havent (let me throw this out there i forgot to say ever seens ive known him when he makes a promise or swears hes always heild to his word) (what i did forget to say to that when i noticed the first time he was watching it he said that he wasnt lying at one point not just telling me all the truth but he did promise he wouldnt do that again and start saying everything) then i told him are you sure bc if your lying to me im packing my things and were seperating for awhile he said wow hold on whats going on bc i havent had anything to do with it. I told him how i noticed on his new stumbleonup account that he liked 12 things that is porn he said he didnt do it i asked if he let people use his phone again he said yes when i told him the first time he needs to stop letting them us it bc of this reason he said he wouldnt but he did again. He said he notkced it was on there and that the day he installed it was the night he uninstalled it bc of the porn that was on there. I asked him why he didnt listen to me about not letting them use it he said bc im bullheaded and dont like like to listen a lot of the time he said ive been alone for years and that u know that i dont listen to everyone. I told him that it wasnt just him anymore he got married it involes me his actians effect me as the same as mine effects him. Then i told him okay well im still hurt and ive tried everything to cope with this so even if u didnt do it this time were talking about the first and that i justed wanted him to listen to how i felt and he got a little angry again said i have been listening but okay. I started crying a little (i try not to show to much emotion over the phone as if im handling this well) i told him the 3 weeks hes been home that i was miserable and so hurt that i wanted to just skin him alive to feel my pain but even that wouldnt even be close to how i felt i told him that ive tried coping by reading books and it worked for awhile tell there was nothing to read. I told him the i was hurting how i didnt feel worth it or good enough how i would never have an uplefted ass, bigger boobs, or a perfect pussy. Even though he tells me im the most beautiful sexiest woman hes ever seen i told him his eyes, mind, and actions were telling me different. That i was angry, hurt, depressed, every emotion in the book you could feel. I told him that i know everytime we have a big struggle wd always come out better that i wanted that but i needed to fix myself or we would never be better again that was why i was wanting him to really listen to me the first time. He treats me like a queen when hes home and even when hes gone with long sexy or beautiful text. Just im so hurt that i still feel so unwanted i feel like i have to change myself to be perfect for him again its bad when your so hurt that you wont to stop eating, get a boob job done, ass injections, or surgery down there to make it even better. Ill never be a porn star i cant compete one neither would i want to know bc id never be good enough. I know i dont need to change im 5'2, 110 lbs, and i have curves of a woman, my bra size is 32D. Some how i still feel that my body isnt good enough anymore i know he loves all lf me but i just dont feel that anymore. I just think porn is very disrespectful to your spouse and idk if i should even believe him this time. I just want to fix our marriage i just dont know where to start. Im just broken
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