A letter to the man that hurt us...

As I sit here looking back on all the times we've had together, more bad than good, I wonder where mom, Letty, and I went wrong. It is not a child's duty to wonder why their father doesn't care about them, why mommy isn't acting like she used to, or why Letty doesn't want to live anymore. We are broken. Some more than others. We're battered and bruised. I can't keep my brain clear. My thoughts are so foggy, but I always try and lighten up before I ever converse with people. I don't want them to know, how I feel isn't normal. Opening up isn't a strong suit of mine, since you know... I can't cry because that's a sign of weakness. Seeing mom now, compared to back then, she's even worse than I thought. She has no idea who she is. She can't come to love herself. As a matter of fact, neither of the 3 of us can. Letty, she took most of the grunt work. She always "jokes" about her looks, or her features. Saying how ugly and fat she thinks she is. How dare you. How could you ever tell someone, especially your own flesh and blood that they're not perfect. That girl is indescribable. That's what I'm most mad about. I don't care about the way you treated me. My mom and Letty is what I care about. You fucked up their lives forever. This is why we don't talk. We will never have a relationship. You will never be my father. You are someone who made 2 beautiful decisions, and couldn't were unable to keep the label of "dad". I understand it's a big responsibility, but you gave it all up once you decided to treat us the way you did. One day, maybe it'll all be ok. Maybe mom will get remarried, and get to experience the happiness she deserves. Maybe one day Letty will look in the mirror and see that her suicide ATTEMPT, was one of the best day's of her life. She hurt, she was in pain, physically and mentally, but she got to see another day. Another year, and another birthday. I get to love on my sister a little bit more. And for me, well one day maybe I'll have the audacity to forgive you. Be at peace with what once was. I'll never understand why you did these things, or ever want to be a part of my and my family's life. I hope you learn to accept what you have done, and understand that some things can't be forgotten. 

Sincerely 

-Elle-