does anyone have a disabled mum?

Question

I have lupus and am "differently a led" and I constantly worry about it making me a "bad mum" I guess part of it is the model I had was my mum that had a light disability, but then became drug addicted and wasn't really a mum at all, she was always in her room and treated us like burdens, didn't want anything to do with us either because she was high on her meds and wanted to be out on the town or just sloppily asleep OR coming down from a high/with no pain pills for her actual disability left (would take a months worth of Vicodin in 3 days, I'm surprised she didn't OD) and locked herself away until she could get high again the next month.
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While I know this isn't the life of a disabled person, but an addict... I just can't not think of my moms near-nonexistence in my childhood when I think of myself as a mother. Can any ladies that have positive memories of disabled mums reassure me how a child sees a disabled mom who's trying their best?

Answer

My mum has multiple sclerosis, and was diagnosed when I was 7. She's also recently gone through breast cancer. I have so much respect for her as I've grown up seeing her be so strong and finding ways round things so my sister and I didn't miss out as much as we could have done. Yes, there are things we've missed out on (holidays were a rarity; no theme park visits etc), but we spent a lot more time as a family and now both have the best family values I've seen for a long time. Now I'm older and I see her getting worse it's difficult but we cope. Disability does not affect your ability to mother a child, the way you cope with it does. Hope this helps!

Answer

My mom has suffered from years and years of medical problems and has had 17 surgeries. I have a ton of respect for her and we are extremely close. I think her hospitalizations actually made me a very independent person and not too sensitive or squeamish but strong and good with patients. I'm very comfortable in hospitals and around ill people. I know how to navigate the health system and how to be a supportive caretaker. I've helped her with dressing, wound care, bathing, pain management, fluffing pillows - you name it. When she was in pain she would say "It is mind over matter." and I use that phrase all the time.  I think my husband has a lot of respect for me when he sees me around the elderly or differently abled because I'm at ease and a lot of people aren't. You will be fantastic -- the fact that you are even asking this question on Glow - is proof of that.

does anyone have a disabled mum?

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