I'm crying

Because I don't know what to do anymore. I love him but it hurts. He loves me but I am over this relationship. I suggested counseling & he agreed but I can't wait until we find a place & our able to attended. 4 yrs in everything annoys me now. I know I'm mean & difficult & I've tried to leave but he makes me the bad guy so I stay & "work on us" but we seem to be in the same lil cycle. Idk what to do. I want to be single but I don't want to be. ...