I'm 37 almost 38 weeks with my daughter. I had my first child 5 nearly 6 years ago. He's such a handsome, sweet, loving young man. I am so proud of him. He's my little angel. It's crazy what a strong bond you can build with your children. This tiny little human that you grow inside your belly. Then you care for that tiny little human and mold them into decent human beings.

I go in to my son's room multiple times through out the night to check on him. He's a hot sleeper. But usually a little over midway through the night he gets cold and needs his blanket. Sometimes...most of the time...I contemplate crawling into bed with him and snuggling with him. He's so freaking cute. He is my world. I have sacrificed and will continue to sacrifice so much for him.

As a parent I'm so scared. I know I have enough love for both my son and daughter. However, do I have enough attention/energy to spread equally amongst the both of them? I'm recently out of the military, active duty. It was rough. I already have so much guilt from missing out on so much with my son because of being active duty and in the military in general. I don't know that my heart can take much more guilt.

I just really want to make sure I do right by both of my children. I need to make sure that they both know how important they are and how much they are loved. I have no doubt in my abilities to give them my everything. I'm just scared. I'm scared of the delivery. I'm scared of how everything is going to work out in general.

My son is from a previous marriage. His dad and I share 50/50. My current husband is an incredible man and has always treated my son as if he was his own. I have no doubt that after our new little squish gets here he will continue to do so. My son loves him so much. Like I said though I'm scared. My son goes back and forth between me and my ex. I just don't want him to feel like he's being left out. He's super excited about his new baby sister. He's so sweet with her. He talks to her in my belly all the time he pokes at her to get her to move. It's the sweetest thing to watch.

I'm just nervous and scared like I said. I have the what I'm guessing is normal parental fear of equality amongst your children. I also have the additional guilt/stress of one of my children not being with me 100% of the time. I just want what's best for my babies. I am sure it will all workout. It's just scary. Sorry ladies it just helps to put that kind of stuff in writing sometimes. Thanks for reading/skimming.

Thanking God

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