"At least you already have one"

This is my least favorite phrase when telling anyone that getting pregnant a second (actually third) time isn't coming very easily. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, 2 years ago. Shortly after, my husband and I decided to try again, to our surprise (even though we know the science) that it happened on our "first" try. That is when I fell pregnant with my now 2 year old.

We have now been "trying" for about 6 months to no avail. No second thought, no real symptoms, no nothing. I've still taken tons of tests hoping.. but no.

At least you have one.. is a phrase I hear pretty often. Yes you're right. At least I do have my rainbow baby who I am thankful for every trying, wonderful day. (He is 2..) Here is the unfortunate part about all of it. The desire for a baby doesn't stop because "at least you have one."

I still chart everything every day.. I still look at the calender in the hopes that it is soon baby making time. I tell my husband days in advance so that he can be prepared for my crazy, hoping and wondering and maybe today, we make a baby. I still take ovulation tests and analyze them and check for the 100th time.. what color is the line supposed to be? I am still thinking, feeling, every little twinge, headache, sneeze, during the two week window.. hoping that maybe there is some indication that we finally got it this time.

The same feelings of disappointment and failure still get me at every negative pregnancy test. I check and double check for lines in the hopes that maybe I just didn't wait long enough.

All of these feelings I have to keep to myself because at least I have one kid. I have one kid who deserves all the attention in the world and gets it. A kid who is so wonderfully rotten, some days I can't believe I was chosen to be his momma.

My point is, it doesn't matter how many children a woman has.. the desire for a child doesn't change. Whether it be her 1st, 5th, or 18th.. they may be going through the same feelings of hopefulness, anxiety, disappointment, and happiness. So just keep in mind that we are all going through this journey. It is difficult.. but no matter how many children you have or want to have, the journey to your child is worth it.