how do you deal with it? how do u keep things fair????

Question

I feel bad and I know it is normal, but I have serious biases toward my own mother than my boyfriends'. She says that she's that she's my future MIL and acts like that has any bearing over anything... and I know she really likes me, I like her as well! But I feel like my mom will do the same things that she does, and I can stand it more or it won't even bother me. For example, tomorrow my mom said she's going to be at the hospital early and just hang out and I said that's fine, but my boyfriends mother told him she's coming to the hospital a few afters we do just to wait and it kinda bothered me for some reason. It sucks!! I don't want to feel this way but I constantly put my mom above her like  I want my daughter to be more involved with my mom than her. It's not fair but I feel like I'm always justifying it by saying "oh well IM the mom.. and she's MY mom.." i know if my boyfriend was like that toward my mom, it'd upset me a lot. I think it's cause I'm just protective of my mom 😕😕

Answer

I know what you mean completely. My MIL lost her daughter to a sickness when she was 5. And she always wanted another daughter cuz she has 2 older boys. But whenever me and my SO bring up babies, she's just like oh i can't wait, I'm gonna take care of her 24/7, you need to go back to work, I'll stay home and watch it, blah blah. Like noo. It's my kid, & what I say goes. If anyone was to get my kid it's MY mother. And she really wouldn't care for the baby if it's a boy, just a girl. I know she's prolly still sad and all that, but I feel like she's really going to try and act like her grandkid, is hers. 😒

Answer

I can relate to this completely and we don't have any children yet 😂🙈

Answer

My mil is the exact same way... I also feel like I favor my mom over my mil. Not sure why but that's how it's always been. When my mom calls my daughter "my baby" I'm totally ok with it. However when my mil or in laws do that I cringe & instantly become pissed off (in my head). Every time my in laws hold my daughter I always feel uneasy. I try & think about how many people love my daughter & just shrug off my bad feelings about my in laws, but the feelings don't go away.

Answer

This is one thing I do think about, myself. My SO's mother is always saying how, she can't wait for when her son and I have children and says she wants me to have a girl since she never had daughters and wants to spoil her, etc. etc. I mean sounds harmless I know but this woman......is always trying to input herself in every aspect of our lives. 
So, Blake (my SO) is her first born of 2 sons. I can tell Blake was and is her pride and joy of the 2, which don't get me wrong it's cute but it's how she says it..
She trained him to be a mama's boy no doubt, and now she feels somewhat threatened that I'm taking her place.

Anyways, sorry got off topic. 
I already explained to my own mother that when I have children with Blake I want my mother (if she is willing and wanting to) and father to be the grandparents that are more present in my children's life. Yes there can be equal presence but as crazy as it sounds....this lady is very spiteful and she's the type of person to get my children to like her more since i "stole her son from her"

Answer

Fair does NOT mean equal......

Answer

It may wear off after the pregnancy is over. Humans actually find the smell of people who are genetically similar (aka family) more appealing during pregnancy, and want to spend more time around them.

how do you deal with it? how do u keep things fair????

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