Am I being selfish?!

Question

I am a self-employed independent women who owns her own cars, things etc. I always end up dating guys who have not really made it in Life and I push them forward, motivate them and help them achieve their goals but in the end once they feel like they have made they turn around and backstab and hurt me. I promised myself no more will I date someone if I have to mother them, but I ended up falling for another again. I just feel like with my history of relationships it would be nice to be in a relationship where I am the one being spoiled and pushed and motivated for once, unfortunately my partner cannot afford to do those things for me and I just feel like I don't have the energy to do the mothering and always supporting financially which I cannot afford at the present moment. I am thinking of ending things, is it wrong of me? Am I being unreasonable?

Answer

I was the same as you a few years ago, I tried calling it quits and only choosing men who have their shit together.  It still wasn't what I wanted.  After I dated a few men for a couple of years, nothing serious, I realized that having someone need me is what fulfills me.  Meaning, I love being needed and supportive and by only dating guys who didn't need me what so ever made me feel not whole.  
But eventually I found my soulmate, he needs me just enough for me to fulfill my heart and in just the same breath I need him.  It's not a need in order to survive, it's a need in order to be the best you can be.  Just give it time, the right one will come and you will know it when it happens.

Answer

No its not unreasonable! I don't blame you one bit. If you're not happy don't stay in the relationship. It's not your job to be these men's mother.

Answer

If you're not getting what you need out of the relationship, it seems only natural you should end it.

Answer

Not at all.... these guys have mothers of their own... its not your job to mother them. And as far as making a positive change in a relationship you pretty much have to put your foot down and insist that they pull their share and do their financial part, becuase what you are doing is basically CHARITY WORK where no one values itor truly needs it. If you feel the need to do that sort of stuff.... at the very least become active in volunteering or supportin a real cause that is 501.3c certified/title holding at least come tax time youcan get a little something back

Answer

I don't think so at all. Everyone deserves someone that can put the same effort into a relationship that the other does

Answer

If you know what you want, why shouldn't you go for it? Life is too short, you could die tomorrow.

Answer

Not selfish!  I'm sure you've worked hard to get where you are.  We all love helping the people we care about succeed, but when they turn around and use that success to better future relationships instead of yours, it can be very frustrating!  I totally understand you wanting to be with someone who is already established and successful in their own life.

Am I being selfish?!

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