Multiple problems happen when porn is used. First, instead of forming a deep connection to a person, your brain ends up “bonding” to a pornographic experience. Your brain remembers where the sexual high was experienced, and each time you desire sexual stimulation, you feel a sharp sense of focus: I’ve got to go back to the porn.

In addition, pornography gives the brain an unnatural high. In a recent TEDx talk, physiology teacher Gary Wilson explained that when men look at porn, they experience surge after surge of dopamine in the brain. The brain eventually fatigues, stopping the production of dopamine, leaving the viewer wanting more but unable to reach a level of satisfaction. As a result, everyday pleasures stop causing excitement and the viewer seeks out more novel, more intense pornography to get the same high as before.

This imbalance in the brain leads to many problems: impotence with your spouse, frequent masturbation with very little satisfaction, anxiety, fatigue, lack of motivation, inability to concentrate, and escalating tastes for more bizarre or novel porn.

Additionally, porn addiction likely has a negative impact on several areas of one’s life. It can lead to:

- A decline in personal relationships, social, and family engagement.

- Decreased concentration and productivity at work.

- Physical consequences like sexual dysfunction.

It can have profound psychological effects, like generating feelings of shame, inadequacy, and emotional distress. It can lead to, or stem from, comorbid psychological disorders like:

- Anxiety.

- Depression.

- Substance abuse.

- Problems related to impulse control and emotion dysregulation.

- Obsessive-Compulsive type symptoms.

Porn won’t spice up your sex life, and it won’t make you a better lover. Science and psychology show that sharing porn with your spouse or having a secret affair with porn will mess up hot nights of passion, especially for the long haul. What will make sex better can be summed up in one word: intimacy. And no, sex does not equal intimacy. The word intimacy is born out of the Latin word intima, which means “innermost, most secret.” Each person carries within them an intima, and when that deep and vulnerable core is shared with another, a profound connection can be built. A couple can have sex without intimacy, and it often leads to dissatisfaction and less sex within a relationship, Erickson said. But when sex becomes a part of overall expressions of intimacy, then magic happens. Great sex means a husband and wife focus on each other. 

“Pornographers promise healthy pleasure and relief from sexual tension, but what they often deliver is an addiction, tolerance, and an eventual decrease in pleasure.”  An addiction to porn is an obvious killer to marital sex, because true focus is singular not plural.

Relationships where one partner is addicted to porn can lead to a reduction in intimacy, emotional distance, reduced sexual satisfaction, and an overall poorer quality of relationship.

Using porn to spice up marital sex is self-defeating. Instead of being more attracted to and engaged with one’s spouse, the porn user will actually become more engrossed with porn. Men and women that were exposed to porn were less likely to be pleased with their partner’s physical appearance, affection, and sexual performance. The researchers concluded that porn consumers eventually compare their spouse with images of porn models.

With the repeated use of porn, the brain recognizes that too much dopamine is being released. In response, the production of dopamine and receptors for dopamine are reduced, but that produces a craving. To fulfill that craving the porn user often needs to increase the amount of pornography used or the intensity or the novelty of porn.

Dopamine loves novelty. A couple has many ways to create novelty physically, mentally, and spiritually, but porn and masturbation are genitally focused. The way to increase dopamine with porn is to up the dosage with more porn or more intense or more shocking porn. This often leads the porn-using spouse to request or introduce sexual activities that their partner may find degrading, uncomfortable, or inappropriate.

Porn gives men a new standard of beauty. In 2002, the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, published research showing that when men are shown pictures of centerfold models from Playboy and Penthouse, this significantly lowered their judgements about the attractiveness of “average” people. In our hyper-sexualized media culture, is this something that really needs to be reinforced? Should we train our brains to rate women by the size, shape, and harmony of their body parts? Do we want our standard of beauty to be shaped by a fictional standard or by the woman we are actually in love with?

Cambridge Neuropsychiatrist Valerie Voon was featured last year in the UK documentary Porn on the Brain. Her research demonstrates that the brains of habitual porn users show great similarity to the brains of alcoholics. A brain structure called the ventral striatum plays a significant role in the reward system of the brain—the pleasure pathways. It is the same part of the brain that “lights up” when an alcoholic sees a picture of a drink.

Dr. William Struthers, author of Wired for Intimacy, sounds a similar alarm, teaching that viewing pornography and masturbating actually weakens the region of our brain known as the cingulate cortex—the region that is responsible for moral and ethical decision making and willpower.

Men who are hooked on porn find it difficult to get or maintain an erection during sex. Online porn viewing is, among other things, novelty-seeking behavior: constantly clicking, multiple tabs open, always looking for the next girl, the next sexual buzz. A real woman—no matter how she looks—is only one woman. A brain trained for constant sexual novelty won’t find her arousing.

According to many university studies, those who repeatedly watch porn deaden their libido for real sex partners in favor of porn. Research by Dr. Dolf Zillmann and Dr. Jennings Bryant indicates that those who watch porn have less satisfaction with their intimate partners: they are less likely to be pleased with their partner’s physical appearance, affection, and sexual performance. Zillmann and Bryant also concluded that those who view more porn are more likely to believe women in society fit the stereotype of the women they saw in pornographic films, that all women are really “as hysterically euphoric in response to just about any sexual or pseudosexual stimulation, and as eager to accommodate seemingly any and every sexual request” as the porn girls.

Porn can greatly mess with the self-worth of both a husband and a wife in a marriage, no matter who it is that is struggling with the addiction.  the question rolling through our minds is “Am I not good enough?” If we know our men are looking at other women, it must mean that they don’t think we are enough for them. I might think I am not pretty enough, not sexy enough, or not worthy of love and affection. While the struggle with porn is far greater than what the woman may think, the issue of self-worth is still there.

The first step in getting help is admitting that you have a problem, followed by finding a professional who is experienced in treating porn addiction and is aware of the most effective treatment methods, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It is important to be honest and comprehensive with a therapist. Don’t leave out important details because they are embarrassing or uncomfortable, because they can help guide your treatment plan. Finally, keep in mind that the therapist is there to help, not judge. Seeking help and admitting that you are battling a porn addiction can feel embarrassing or humiliating, but to overcome the addiction, you must choose to take that first step toward recovery anyway.