How do you cope with moodiness / anger problems?

Question

Hi all,

I'm having some trouble with myself in the past two years... ended my engagement, started dating someone new (2 years now), currently laid off/unemployed and actively searching, not as "girlishly" happy about life/anything and saddest part is I've started to despise my friends and family... in general,  I've become more aware that people only care about themselves,  me included.

This negative thinking makes me somewhat of a moody person.  I don't know how it handle it properly. I'd say mean things to my boyfriend,  sometime really sad things like "There's no point of trying anymore.  Life is lame." (I'm a bit depressed but not suicidal so don't worry). Today we planned an overnight trip but I got moody about a joke and we canceled it. He's out hiking and stuff to cool down.

For the past 4 hours,  I'm really upset with myself.

How do you control your anger / moodiness during that crucial moment of turning it to a big fight or making peace? I can't never seems to find a balance.

Answer

This is my two cents since I have experienced similar things. When I was younger, I'd say things that were hurtful to get that person away from me (usually during a fight). I knew what I was saying was hurtful but I did it anyway. Before you go to say something, be mindful of it. Is it really worth saying? Does it make the you feel better? How would you feel if someone said that to you?
Now that I'm a bit older, I recognize where those feelings are coming from and they have very little to do with the person. It had to do with me. So I'd control my emotions and explain calmly how something may have offended me. Remember though, your SO or others may not have intended to hurt you. So you need to remember that it is ok to let go of feelings of anger. 
Changing your self-talk is crucial. You may feel like your forcing yourself to change and it will be uncomfortable at first. Give it a week or two and see how it changes the way you interact with others and feel about yourself. All of this is well within your control and it takes a great amount of self-discipline. If you start having a rough patch with a person, snap yourself out of it and ask them to come up with something to do. It could be anything from taking a walk or cooking together. Laugh at yourself and try to find joy in even the most meaningless of things.
However, if you do start experiencing more serious depression symptoms, find a therapist to talk to. They can council you further and if other interventions are necessary, they can provide those for you.
Remember, if you're unhappy with the way things are going you can change them. It takes work to change a situation but you have to believe in your capabilities. Make a visual list of things that are both good and bad about you. If you feel comfortable enough, share them with your SO. Ask him how you could change some of those negatives. Involving him might show him he's needed and trusted. It's just an idea but again, these are my two cents. 
Best of luck.

How do you cope with moodiness / anger problems?

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