it DOES get better

A lot of mine and his relationship was physical, and while I was completely torn up emotionally at the end of it, I felt physically beaten as well. I felt as if I needed to regain my sense of sensuality after him, because he was the only one who ever made me feel sexy. I didn't feel attractive, even when I was intimate with a few boys recently.

But this past week I've been trying to please myself bc I've never been able to, to completion, before. Not once in my 20 years of living have I satisfied myself without any help. And tonight I finally did, and I don't mean to say any of this in a crude way. But tonight I feel like I finally recovered a part of me that was missing. That I can damn well please my own self physically and emotionally and I don't need anyone else to do it for me. This one thing that happened tonight is more about me gaining back my sense of self, my sense of pride, and my sense of independence. As weird as this all sounds, I'm starting to see a light at the end of this tunnel, and everything will truly be okay.