😞😞😞

In 10 days, it will have been 5 months. 5 months ago I received the worst news any mother could ever hear: my son has cancer. And it was progressed. But we'll fast forward a little: we have good days, we have bad days, we spend weeks in a time at the hospital, and when we aren't doing that, we spend everyday here for appointments. Which makes it almost impossible to work, being why I quit my job, at this very hospital. (I didn't work here long enough to qualify for FMLA, so I was given 2 months of leave or abandon my position, which ended up being what I did) Here we are, struggling. I also fell pregnant during those 5 months, with our third child. And we're grateful, anxious and excited. Part of me feels so guilty for having another child... I feel as if I'm taking away from my son. I hate feeling like a failure. I hate feeling like I can't anymore. I hate having these breakdowns. I hate all of these feelings that aren't dealt with because I don't have time for myself, let alone a job, but I have to work. There's no way around it anymore. I'm 5 months pregnant and I just have to do this. It's for my family. I know some of you will tell me to talk to a counselor and I wish I could, I wish I had that 1-2 hours a week, to think of me and get these feelings out.. I'm sorry this post has to be this way I just couldn't think of how to express these feelings. 😭😞 Thank you. Rant/vent over.