I mean this in the best way possible, that I am issuing this edict.  At the halfway mark of my pregnancy, my husband and I thought very hard about the life we want for our son. We thought about all our hopes for him, and all our desires.  We also thought about what is best for our family and what we are capable of.

This will be an uncomfortable topic, so I will try my best to be as delicate as possible.  I bring this decision to you believing the best about you both, and believing you to be wise and compassionate people.

I did not choose to live in a family that is divorced, or have the childhood which I had. You both, as my parents, made choices which affected my life, for better or for worse. Now, as an adult, and with a young family of my own, that precious burden is mine to bear.

You have jointly celebrated birthdays for my sisters; jointly celebrated graduation parties, and I ask that you jointly continue to celebrate things together. If there is a "family event," let there not be two separate ones, or one to which the other parent is not invited to. If either of you have a significant other in your life, I am happy for you; but that person will always be second to my mother or father. Your SO is welcome to be a part of my life, but not at the expense of the other parent. If one parent cannot, for unforeseen circumstances attend, that is fine, as long as the invitation has been extended.

You must understand that I am impartial to you both, loving you faithfully without preference.  Despite whatever either of you may believe, I have, and always will be Switzerland when it comes to your personal opinions of each other. I do play devil's advocate, if for no other reason than this; I am a peacemaker, and I desire peace.  For this reason, I beg you to consider my words.

When we come to visit, it is usually for a brief time and for significant reasons. It is a hardship for us to come separately to each person's home, a hardship which I have gladly and exhaustedly weathered until now. If the invitation is not extended for a "family" event, then I shall also consider myself and my family uninvited. In my mind, you both are my family, if not to each other.  

In my family, we will not play games, nor we do not want our son to grow up in such a manner.  If the worst happens and you cannot bear to invite the other person, I have options for that day; I can spend time with my best friend and her family.  We can show our son more of the state. It would be a shame, but I am committed to this as a matter of principle. First, I view this as a matter of maturity. Secondly, it is not feasible or reasonable to expect us to travel around the state to see people, or to put us in the position where we have to, because someone is "uncomfortable."

I understand this must seem as if a type of edict, and I apologize if its dictates are offensive; but if you prefer I have other alternatives, such as moving to California or declining to see either of you, ever.  Please know that I am not asking you to act married, either. I simply have a burden to do what is best for my family, and this is my conclusion.

Love, your daughter