Shouldn't have hooked up with my Friend
Hi everyone
I'd like to share a story with you guys to have your opinion and also to feel a bit of relief.
I met this guy, let's call him Tom 8 months ago when I moved to L.A with my roommates.
He's a writer/artist and so am I so we started to work together and became quickly good friends.
I really had to open myself to him in order to work with him on lyrics etc so he became like a confidant, we shared our love stories, everything that was happening to us pretty much. We would go on friends date just the two of us, walk on the beach, restaurants, etc...
One time someone left a random dog next to out table so everyone passing by was stopping and we pretended it was ours, making up names based on inside jokes that we knew will make the other one laugh but we couldn't laugh in front of the people so it was even more funnier.
We would always be flirty with each other, he always told me I was super beautiful and talented but I would always be in a fucked up relationship everytime we were hanging out so nothing never happened and of course he would know everything about it.
I always was like "is he flirty or into me?" Cause he complimented me a lot and sent me hearts emoji etc.
And just the way he talked or looked at me, i was confused.
I always went for guys who weren't for me so he would be the shoulder I cried on when it obviously didn't work out and he would always tell me to stop this pattern or say stuff like :
Man, they don't know how lucky they are...
I started to realise I liked him a few weeks ago and everyone thought it was obvious we were into each other but that no one wanted to make the first move.
On Halloween night, I was ready to tell him everything lol I almost thought of us like these movies you know when the right guy was there all along but you just didn't realised it.
That night we hung out by ourselves outside the party house and I don't know if he felt my energy but he kissed me. It was super passionnate.
It felt right, it felt natural, I wasn't stressing or analysing it like I would usually do with other boys so we just hooked up afterwards.
I didn't hear from him the day after so I texted him and I never got an answer. The next day he said he would call but I had to go in his neighbourhood so I told him I'll come by later on.
I showed up unexpected and super late so he forgot I was coming.
He was with his roommates and two tinder girls.
Everyone seemed to be aware of what happened cause they were all trying to let me know the tinder girls were not for him.
I had a talk with him but his whole energy was different I felt him almost a bit cocky.
The way he was talking to me or looking at me, I felt like I was off the pedestal he used to put me on.
I was nervous and I really felt his energy being weird so I pretend that I came all the way to tell him I just wanted to be friends with him and forget was happened.
He laughed like it was a huge relief and told me it was perfect we were on the same page.
He told me he was so afraid I read too much into what happened.
So I was like : oh no lol of course not
But I was shocked cause he knows how deep I take things I mean he knows me and he knows everything that happened in my love life, how certain a guys behaved and how I felt about it cause he was the one I talked to about these stuffs...
He knew how I was, he knew I only take a chance on someone if I actually like them and that I just don't do that randomly.
He avoided me the whole night but we still end up hooking up and I was pretending it's not a big deal.
When I fell asleep I started sobbing under the blanket next to him.
I was wondering why I was doing this to myself , going for guys who were not for me and now I couldn't even talk to him about it cause it was him.
The worst part is when his phone rang so I took a look and then I discover hundreds of texts to random girls from social medias.
Like almost copy/pasting the same shit.
It was too much. I left in the middle of the night.
I never heard from him.
I'm sad, confused and I don't know what to do.
I really thought he was into me, how could I be so wrong ?
I lost a friend and an artist I work with and it really hurt me that the person who knows exactly how it felt like for me to be screwed would do the same.
Or maybe it's my fault for having expectations ? He didn't clearly promise me anything...
God I don't know what to think.
Any thoughts ?
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