Why won't he propose?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years. We practically act like a married couple. We live together, and do everything together. But every time I bring up marriage, it starts an argument because he never wants to talk about it! I've tried not talking about it, and I didn't for months!! But after so many, I brought it up again, and he flipped! He is deploying in 2 years, and a year ago I thought we both agreed to be engaged for two years, and married a year before he leaves. And now we are down to 2 years, and I just don't want to be engaged for a couple months and rush into a marriage! I feel like my way is so much smarter! Can anyone give me advice? How do I talk to him about this without him flipping out? And how do I get him to understand that being engaged now and for a longer period of time is smarter? I just need advice for everything on the topic of engagement😩😩😭

Answer

You stop. You know what's going to happen when you ask but you do it anyway. It's like putting your finger to a flame and expecting it not to burn. The more you pester him, the more pissed he'll get. Also, your way is only smarter to YOU. He could have a completely different mindset than you that he considers to be smarter. Just leave the subject alone. You said you tried, but that wasn't good enough, so you need to try harder. You don't want him to propose because YOU want him to. You want him to propose because he's ready and HE wants to. Otherwise your relationship is damned from the very get go.

Answer

I don't know why but theres nothing you can really do until he's ready... talking about it all the time isn't going to make him move any faster.

Answer

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years too. We live together and do everything together. He used to say he never wants to get married, know what I did? Let it go. There's no point in pushing him into it otherwise he'll end up pushing you away. Isn't it better to be with your boyfriend and in love than not at all?

P.S he proposed last month. I don't know what changed his mind though...

Answer

Potentially unpopular opinion here:

He's getting all the benefits of marriage without the legal commitment of marriage. Sounds like marriage is really important to you, but either it's not to him or he doesn't want to make that legal commitment to you.... This is why I'm generally not in favor of moving in with someone when only at the bf/gf stage. You may need to consider how important marriage is to you: either you decide it's not that important & keep the relationship as is, or you decide to take action (break up, move out, whatever). Good luck! It's definitely a tough situation.

Answer

Sit him down calmly and listen to what he says. If he says that he doesn't want to propose or get married you need to accept that and then figure out if that's something you can live with or need to move on from. Good luck x

Answer

After 4 years, I'm inclined to think that he just doesn't see himself spending the rest of his life with you. No one should get that upset when the topic is brought up. If he isn't ready and you want more, then maybe you guys aren't a perfect match.

Answer

Pushing the subject right before he deploys isn't a good idea... he may love you and want the same thing but wants it to come as a surprise and not feel pressured like you may be accidentally doing... or he's nervous about being deployed and in a different mindset now and honestly you can't blame him for that. I know on my deployments reguardless of how long I get really nervous months ahead of time. Just be patient and realize he loves you but right now isn't the time.. work on your relationship and yourself and it will come in time... just show him you love him and things will work out babe!

Answer

So really you just want a wedding you're not so concerned about a marriage.

Why won't he propose?

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