just need to vent

I feel so incredibly hurt right now. I really just need to get some things off my chest before I explode. Side note yes I do know it's wrong to look at someone's phone but he has been acting very strange lately about it and left it open this evening and ya I peeked. Saw messages to some girl about having her come over to my house for him to smoke with her. Telling her horrible and untrue things about me. I have told him numerous times I am not ok with random people at the house. Seeing as how I have had things disappear (jewelry and medications). I know I can't say anything to him and I am so stressed with school and other personal issues I just feel stuck. I feel like he is using me and I do care about him but how am I suppose to feel when he brings random girls over and tells them I am crazy and tells them personal things about me (how my husband committed suicide). I just feel so hurt. I don't even feel angry at this point just hurt. I don't even want an apology. Here I thought we were doing better and I dunno what to think. Sorry I know it's not really the thing to post on here but I had to get it out. I just feel trapped anymore.