Just need to vent

Ive been with my bf for almost 4 years (plus on and off in high school) so pretty much almost 7 years. We have 2 kids together and we have discussed marriage. Well i have always dreamed of getting proposed to on Christmas in front of my whole family. And with the money he makes i knew it was definitely a possibility. But im sitting here kinda disappointed... am i an awful person? Im not making a scene or making him feel bad or anything.