PLEASE READ! sex, love, pain and happiness! how my pain led me to the best thing in my life

I was laying in bed just thinking about how much my life had changed! I was with my ex boyfriend for 4 years and God knows how much I loved that man I was in a really messed up situation where I was stuck in America because of immigration reasons and I didn't have a green card he's a citizen here, he wasn't obligated to help me but he saw how much I struggled as a single mom with hardly any income yet I still helped him pay his bills and buy him whatever I could. After we were together for about 1 1/2 years I became pregnant he asked me to have an abortion i was scared and had no one to turn to and I didn't believe in abortions he pressured me so much I ended up lying to him and saying I did a few days passed and I had to come clean because it was weighing heavy on my conscience I was around 12 weeks when we found out I was pregnant I have irregular periods and I had no morning sickness after I told him i couldn't do the abortion he verbally abused me for 3 weeks straight told me I'm selfish because he would never love a bastard child, called me a bitch, told me I was trying to trap him with a baby it got to the point where I felt like killing myself because I didn't want to kill my baby! 😢 after a month of the abuse I couldn't take it anymore I either had to choose to live for my 3 years old that I had already at the time or die with my unborn I chose to have the abortion (still haunts me 4 years later) he jumped at the opportunity to support me at the abortion clinic and begged me for weeks after to take him back. I still loved him very much (don't ask me why I guess I was young dumb and stupid) so I took him back. Few months later I found out he was cheating on me with on of my friends! 💔 broke my heart into a million pieces!!.......