Am I being unreasonable?

Question

I have been blessed with a content gorgeous baby boy who I devote all my time to (as you do) me and my husband waited a long time for the privilege of being parents. My husband works full time whilst I'm on maternity leave. I do the night feeds (to let my husband sleep even though sometimes it's tempting to strangle him lol) but I'm struggling to comprehend why my husband doesn't offer to feed or change him in the evening after work? He's better at the weekends yet I still do majority feed/changedls etc. Am
I being unreasonable wanting him to do a little more after work? I understand he may be tired but not to even to just offer to one of these things? I almost feel like I need to ask him to do these things and I hate it. 😕

Answer

You basically have to say "here, your turn" and hand him off. That is what I do. Now he offers.

Answer

When we had our first baby, I had the same problem with my husband. We talked about it and it turned out that he wanted to help but didn't know how. He told me that because he was gone all day, he felt like he was in the way--he didn't know when it was time to feed the baby, or when it was time to change a diaper--that I wasn't asking for help, so he thought I didn't need it.  He told me he was worried it would be like someone walked into his office, took his computer from him and told him to get out of the way. 😜 He was as lost and struggling as I was. We laughed together when I told him I had no idea what I was doing either and I just started handing him the baby once he got in and settled after work. It was really as simple as "Here, take this baby while I shower (or make dinner, or sit in the bathroom and Facebook)."  A new baby changes the dynamics of a household. Ask for what you want and need and maybe he will surprise you.

Answer

How is he supposed to know you want him to do those things if you don't ask? He thinks you guys have an understanding in the roles of your relationship at this point. If you want those roles to change even in the slightest bit you're going to have to speak up. It's not unreasonable to expect more of your partner however, it is unreasonable to expect him to read your mind and then get upset when he doesn't.

Answer

He doesn't offer here either. But I can here him say I'm just better at it lol 🙄😆  he helps me if I need a shower though by trying to distract the guy. And brings me beverages when breastfeeding cuz I'm so dang thirsty during it...

Answer

You literally have to spell it out for men.

Answer

If this is his first, cut him some slack. Men don't know how tired a woman's body gets during this time. I would sit down near mine  with my phone on Google or a baby book and say something like, oh that's why I feel like I have no energy. Or this may be why my back is killing me everyday when feeding the baby. Throw some hints at him he may just not realize you need him more now than ever.

Answer

Nope. I have 3 small kids and we both work full time high stress careers. When we are home, responsibility is shared. Granted, I usually get the baby because he's little and breastfed, but my husband always steps in with the older kids and the baby when I need it. We all need a break, we all need space, we made our kids together. Save your showers for when he gets home from work. Let him get in the house and get changed and comfortable, then hand the baby off, tell him baby needs a diaper and you need a shower. He will get it.

Baby's are tough for men, they really are. Our instincts are so much better. But it gets better. By 18-24 months baby will be such a daddy's boy and you will be chop suey... it's just the way it goes. It's hard, but enjoy being #1 right now. My older 2 boys would prefer dad, unless they are hurt or need food.

Am I being unreasonable?

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