Am I pregnant?

Hi, just a few questions.

The rundown-- I had unprotected sex two weeks ago, and I've been experiencing cramps and horrible head aches. I have mood swings (like I do when mother nature comes to visit) I have been sick as in nausea and I have an incredible amount of phlegm in my throat and a nasty cough. Bacon is my favorite, but I can barely stand the smell let-alone stomach the taste. I may be crazy, but my breasts are growing! I mean, almost a cup size. I keep getting dizzy and not feeling well. And to mention that I cannot empty my bladder! I have lost 10 pounds and I can't get it back. There are times I eat too much, or cannot eat at all. I find myself either staying up for 24 hours or sleeping for 24 hours. My breasts are itchy, my hair is greasy and I'm getting more and more acne. This is a TMI--------- My clitoris is enlarged but there is no pain. Early signs or pregnancy? Std? Nasty flu? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP. ( my period is in a week, I also took a test and the first one came back with a faint line, the second negative.)