anxiety builds when I go out with my 2 week old baby boy. I'm a single mum

    I'm a single mum and despite him pretending to show interest in our newborn son by flying from America here to the UK, I still won't let him see the baby and my family are encouraging that I'm doing the right thing.

When I go out to the shops or when I'm in public with my baby boy I'm too anxious. I suffered with anxiety a year ago really bad, especially in public and this has triggered it again. I take my son out to the shops in between his feeds so he is asleep but today when I went out with my mum as well we spent a little longer than expected and constantly I was checking over him to see and hope he hadn't woke up yet because I knew he was due a feed quite soon.

I'd publicly embarrass myself by being awkward accidentally gently knocking things with the pram (stroller) and if someone stared for too long it made me feel uncomfortable.

The only time I feel relaxed is if someone else is pushing him or when I'm back in the car with him so no one is around.

Does that make me a bad mum ? I feel terrible not being comfortable in public with him yet, all I'm scared of is him crying and causing people to look over. Apart from that I love pushing him around the shops he's been perfect.

Am I the only one like this ? What can I do to help ease the anxiety ?

My mind even began to wonder I was there asking myself wondering what it would be like if I'd just let his father see our baby and i was picturing us being this "perfect" family while out. A lovely couple and their baby and if he then cried he could help out but now it's all on me.

I know they said that being a single mum is hard but this is harder because I'm right in the middle of this messy situation and I'll be getting a divorce in 2/3 months so I can't get my head round how my husband changed so much the way he did. It's all just abit stressful.